” Help please ” I said as I fell down a never ending twisty hole, it was like a show ride but scary. Then I hit the ground with a loud

thump. I got up and tried to find a way out but there was nothing. Then an elephant and a rabbit came out of nowhere ” great

someone to listen to my speech make me win please. ” The elephant said.” 3  2  1″ said the rabbit then the elephant delivered his

speech” I should 100% be the leader of the hole.” Said the elephant that was all I heard. The more he said the less I heard then he

charged at me!…..


  1. Hi Macy, I really liked how your story made sense and added up together because no one likes a story they cant understand. I think you should check your capital letters and spelling before submitting for review other than that it was a good story!

  2. Ooh Macy, you have certainly got yourself into a twistingly difficult situation here. Take time to read your writing aloud before you publish so you can understand what your reader is experiencing. Do you agree that there is some punctuation you could edit.
    That elephant has got to consider his audience too. If he genuinely wants an someone to listen to his speech, he shouldn’t be charging at them!
    Thanks for sharing,
    Jackie (team 100WC_
    New Zealand

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *