The chase

Out of breath I chased my shadow up the hill. I could see everything, I could hear the sirens the red and blue lights

flashing down the hill. I slowly turned around to see the bright big moon staring back at me. The sirens were getting

louder until they reached the top. I stood there silent staring at the moon 10 minutes later I came back to the earth

I was free. I begin running for my life trying to find one good place to hide. But there was no place to hide

and then I found it the place to hide.


  1. How mysterious! I wonder why the narrator was running away from the sirens like this! I loved the beginning of your story especially, you created a believable and intriguing character, well done.

    My wish is for a stronger ending that matches how interesting the beginning was. Maybe next time if you’re not sure how to finish your story, leave it to “percolate” in your head for a while and come back to it the next day. I find that strategy helps with ideas!

    Keep up the great work!

  2. Cath (Team100, Melbourne, Australia)

    Hello, this is a mysterious adventure. You have used some good images to let the reader know that there is something, “not quite right” happening here. You have created lots of questions: Why is he running? Why are there sirens? Why can’t he find somewhere to hide? Choice of words at the beginning of the story work really well. I would have liked to see the story resolved in some way. Keep on writing though. Well done.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *